Does your mate act his age?

What happens when tantrums and baby talks become a part of your love life...
How do you feel when your sexy, hip girlfriend, who is supposedly the most intelligent gal you've ever come across, starts talking like a toddler? Or as a matter of fact, your Prince Charming, the one you've always dreamt of kicking the thugs and swaying you away, throws tantrums like a 5-year-old? There are times in almost every relationship when you feel more like a parent rather than a partner.That's mainly because many people hold on to some of their nagging childhood habits.
Playing a child might be part of our conscious, sub-conscious minds, but when it becomes a part of adult life, it can literally get on your nerves. So, why is it that the aura of maturity your partner bears evaporates on certain important occasions? Explains Dr. Seema Batra, psychologist, "When your wife was her father's pampered little girl or your hubby was his momma's lovey-dovey boy, they learnt all sorts of methods to ensure that they almost always have their way. This may include crying, throwing tantrums or even baby talks. And they practice the same tricks and techniques in a man-woman relationship."
Here's a look at some of the behaviours your partner may put forward when they play 'Big Baby' or make-believe Barbie...
Neediness
This syndrome is the underpinning of your mate's kid conduct and goes something like this: "My girl friend calls me like thirty times in a day just to explain how much she misses me, despite the fact that we meet every evening. Trust me, it is very irritating. And if I don't take her call, she will keep calling, texting frantically," shares 29-year-old Vikrant, an automobile engineer.
"Whenever I'm not around my wife tells me she's lonely, and when I am physically present, she demands my undivided attention. It's getting on my nerves," says 34-year-old software engineer Prakash Sen.
What makes this habit so bothersome is that it is not restricted to how we relate to our partner, it escalates to an intrusion and reflects how we relate to the rest of the world. A needy partner is one for whom his or her relationship has become a habit they cannot do without.
Expert Tip: "The best way to deal with a clingy partner is to set boundaries and abide by them. During dating, you can set exclusive phone hours and specific days of meeting. If married, set rules like - no phone calls in the office except if it's urgent and, maybe, boys' night out on Saturdays," suggests Wahida Siddique, marriage counselor.
"However you need to take care that you don't hurt your partner in the bargain because such obsessive behaviour is sometimes the result of past hurt or insecurities," adds Wahida.
For those who can relate to such behavior patterns, Dr Batra suggests, "A relationship should not be confused with the very business of living. One should be more enthusiastic about life when one is in a sustaining relationship."
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Tantrums
Each one of us has seen our partner screech and scream occasionally, but a tantrum is different than your standard freak-out. "My boyfriend snaps at me when he is angry or frustrated, is tired, hasn't eaten for a while or for any other reason under the Sun. He picks up a fight on silly things like 'you just gave me a nasty look.' He loves me a lot, takes care of me and respects my parents, but moments like these scare me to death. I'm at the end of my rope," shares a concerned Malti Malik, a 30-year-old yoga instructor.
Tantrums have a one point agenda: To make your life a living hell until you give your partner what she/he wants. "I was shocked when I saw my girl howling like a baby when I once cancelled a weekend trip. She locked herself in and refused to eat. I was left with no other option than to cancel my important meetings (which cost me a lot) and carry on with our vacation plan," says 32-year-old Dilpreet Soni.
Expert Tip: "Your spouse may be treating you this way to have his/her way. You might think it's easier to give in than to put up with all the screaming and commotion, but if you show them that screaming gets them what they want, he/she will just scream more often. So ignore tantrums at all costs," says Dr. Satish Giri, a psychotherapist.
Dr. Batra further suggests, "Try and use humour to defuse such tricky situations - silly songs, jokes, laughter can all work brilliantly! A hug or a tickle at the right moment can also change his/her mood, unless the situation is really bad and a deep psychological angle is involved."
Cry baby
Everyone, especially women, cry and it's normal too, but crying just at the right moment in order to manipulate your better half can turn around the table.
"I feel tears are the best weapon a woman can use against a man. Whenever I try to explain to my wife that I am disappointed in her or am upset over certain issues, she starts crying. It is overwhelming to see a person crying just at the moment you try communicating your point, as the same person was shouting moments before," shares a visibly frustrated Naveen Vaidya, a 36-year-old consultant.
The main aim of a cry baby is to make you feel guilty in a certain circumstance, irrespective of who is at fault. Explains Dr. Chugh, "Tears are used, either to make the confronting beau pull back or to send him/her on a guilt trip for being offending."
Revati Mishra relates, "Every time there's an 'in-laws' issue between me and my husband, he refuses to hear me out. If I vehemently try to put my point across, he starts crying. Do I have another option than to just 'shut-up'? Knowing men hardly cry makes me feel all the more guilty."
Expert Tip: "Such kind of crying is an alarm bell that reflects some deep hurt or loss of self-esteem that is triggered whenever anyone says anything negative or he/she feels slighted. Such tantrum conveys lack of discipline and low self-worth," elucidates Dr. Giri.
"Whenever in such a tearful situation, provide your partner with the much needed psychological space. Don't ask what's wrong...just allow them to be distant. Tell them that you can hold on the conversation and will communication once they have composed themselves. Don't hang around, don't sympathise and don't try to reason out," suggests Wahida.
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Baby talk
Baby talk is pretty complicated because it may be seen as a symbol of intimacy by some couples. Irrespective of whether it sounds cute or cheeky, remember that it is just another child-routine syndrome. "Most of the times I love it when my girlfriend talks like a baby, especially in bed. However, when she behaves in the same way amid serious disagreements, it completely throws me off guard. I know she thinks she can have her way by coddling me this way," shares 28-year-old Bharat Pratap.
Surprisingly, baby talk is not a women-exclusive phenomenon, as 31-year-old Deepshika Bhandari shares, "It looks so funny when my 38-year-old husband, father of my two sons, speaks like a toddler. It completely turns me off. He behaves this way for silly things like when he wants me to cook something special, he wants to spend on something I find useless or when he wants to go for a night out with friends."
Expert Tip: Dr. Seems Batra suggests, "My advice is that prevention is better than the cure, especially in such cases. While your partner may initiate the baby talk, it's vital that you don't follow the trend. It is nearly impossible to cut back on baby talk once you've started, so just don't allow this to begin."
"Don't initiate and don't reciprocate," opines Dr. Giri, adding that baby talks can drain the chemistry out of a sexual relationship, which makes it all the more important to circumvent.
Crazy things people do!
"I'm 29-years-old. While taking my dog for a stroll a last week I saw a rope swing hanging from a tree. Ideally, as a mature man, I should have ignored it. But I decided to swing out high and while doing so I screamed like Tarzan. Curse my boyish enthusiasm if you want, but I just couldn't resist," shares a very excited Vikrant.
Sound crazy? But as per the experts, if your partner also has some wild childhood habit - do not fret - for it's absolutely normal. "My girlfriend can't resist ringing people's doorbell and then running away. I remember doing that when I was a kid. Initially, my reaction was, 'I think I am dating a lunatic', but soon I realised it's just fun for her. Now, sometimes, I also join her in her adventure," relates Mathew Zacaria, a 27-year-old web designer.
Expert Tip: Dr Giri explains citing a case study, "A very worried man came to me doubting the mental health of his wife. The problem was that his better half who was in her early thirties had fetish for nappies. However, after meeting her I explained to the couple that there's no warped mental angle involved and our mate's crazy interests or wild hobbies should be treated as normal."
Supports Wahida, "If any of your partner's kiddish hobbies drives you nuts, do not react and interrupt. Give him/her some space else he/she may feel suffocated in the relationship. Treat it as your partner's favourite way of rejuvenation. Don't we all know of guys who have this thing for remote-control cars, bikes and helicopters?"
Sulking
Being in a funk is just another immature way of your partner of displaying his/her displeasure with you. The main agenda of such discontented partner is to make you feel frustrated and guilty of hurting them. They may behave as if they are depressed, show instability of mind due to your misdeeds or may even refuse to meet you.
Raima Lahiri, a 30-year-old jewellry designer says, "My husband doesn't take my calls when he's upset with me. Twice he banged his car and blamed me for the accident, saying it happened as he was disturbed with our fight. Instead of resolving the issue, he walks around the house with a long face for days. It's annoying and saddening"
A lot of people deliberately make themselves unpleasant to be around as a means of punishing their respective partners. "When I have friends over at my apartment while my girlfriend is present, she tends to become all quiet and refuses to cheer up until they leave. This makes me feel guilty because I don't like seeing her so sad, yet at the same time I feel guilty for not being able to attend to my friends," says Bharat.
Expert Tip: Dr Giri suggests following the same route as when you are dealing with a cry baby. "Sulking behaviour has to be ignored. It is also important that the first time any such extreme performances happen, you put your feet down and tell your partner that if they want the relationship to work, they need to amend their ways," he says.
Supports Wahida, "Remember that your partner is just trying to hog attention and grueling you for disappointing him/her. If, a heart-to-heart doesn't work for you, ignoring them would be the best thing to do. No relationship can survive under the shadow of threats."
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